Barbara Lopez at Brightfarm

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
- Dale Carnegie

Eager as we are to introduce ourselves to new people, there can be times when things get a little awkward. Such as when someone asks, “What do you do?”, and you give them your 30-second self-introduction and in return the person asking you gives you a blank stare or a simple nod and says, “Oh, that’s nice.”

Even more awkward is the dead silence afterward, in which you can imagine crickets chirping in the background or a lone tumbleweed rolling by.

There are a couple of reasons this situation happens, and rest assure that if you’ve done a good job with your self-introduction, it certainly isn’t always because of what you said.

Sometimes the person is asking you out of politeness. Asking the question, “What do you do?” is a common question at networking events, but sometimes people are only going through the motions, and aren’t really interested in hearing the response (sorry!).

Sometimes they simply don’t know what to say next. Some people truly struggle with networking, and they may be shy or feel awkward when it comes to small talk or networking in general, so they just clam up. It’s best to be sensitive to those types of people; after all they are probably way outside of their comfort zone just by attending the networking function.

When your self-introduction falls flat, there are still ways you can drum up some conversation and close the awkward silence gap.

COMMON GROUND: You already have something in common with whomever you’re talking to – you’re both attending the same networking function. You can comment on the venue, the meal or refreshments, or even ask them how long they’ve been affiliated with the host organization. This is a great way to immediately put people at ease, because you’re both on common ground.

ASK THEM WHAT THEY’RE WORKING ON: A simple question you can ask to get the other person to talk more about their work, business, or even personal life is to ask, “What are you working on these days?” This will allow the other person to take the conversation to wherever they feel comfortable, and will show that you’re genuinely interested in what’s going on with them.

PAY A COMPLIMENT: If you find something about them that you find especially nice (such as a piece of jewelry, a particular color they’re wearing, etc), by all means share it. Nothing sets a more friendly tone than a sincere compliment.

TALK ABOUT CURRENT EVENTS: This can be a delicate one if it’s a sensitive topic so choose wisely, but you can always ask someone what they think about a current event, or a particular season (holidays, summer vacation, the weather, etc).

Don’t be startled when your self-introduction falls flat, it WILL happen on occasion, but keep in mind that it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s falling on deaf ears. Be open to the other person’s communication style, and keep a couple of these tips handy for when you find yourself in an uncomfortable silence. As an added bonus, the other person to whom you’re talking to may just be grateful that you’ve broken the ice.

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Taking the time to network is both an investment of time and in a lot of cases, money. It is crucial to use both of those resources to their maximum potential, so that your networking efforts do not go wasted.

Before you hit your next networking function, take some time to think about what your most immediate need is in your business. Using the networking function as an opportunity to promote or talk about that need will be a wise use of your networking time and investment.

For example, when I launched the self-introduction training portion of my business, my biggest need was to get the word out about it and fill my practice with clients. To do this, whenever I attended a networking function and had the opportunity to introduce myself, I made sure my networking commercial/introduction was solely about my self-introduction training services. Meaning, I stopped talking about all of my other services and concentrated on talking about my new services only.

The other key to doing this successfully is to do it consistently, not just one or two times. So, I made sure to talk about it at every function multiple times for a long period of time. Even if I knew people in a particular group had heard about my new services, I still introduced them. After all, haven’t we been taught in marketing that people need to hear a message a minimum of something like seven times before they “get it”? Being consistent is extremely important.

This is not to say that I completely scrapped my original self-introduction, I just simply made my number one need in my business the top priority. You can do the same, by thinking about your own immediate need and then craft your self-introduction or networking commercial to reflect it.

Take a look at your marketing plan, or even your sales plan, and see where your most immediate needs are. Here are some questions to ask yourself when working on identifying your immediate need:

Did you just launch a new product or service? Using your networking commercial at networking functions is a great way to get the word out about it.

Do your sales goals show a deficiency in one area of your business that you need to increase? Focus on the one area you need to increase and craft your self-introduction so that it solely talks about this area.

Do you need to fill your calendar with more appointments? Consider making a special offer for booking an appointment with you within a short amount of time.

Do you need to drive traffic to your website? Think about ways you can entice people to visit your website. I don’t recommend solely pointing them to your site unless your an e-commerce type business, but if you are selling items from your site, encourage people to go there.

Are you looking for a new career opportunity? Make sure your self-introduction is all about you and what type of opportunity you are looking for.

What else is going on in your business? Take a few moments to think about what is important to you right now, and include it in your self-introduction.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: “If your mouth is open, so is your business. If your mouth is closed, so is your business.” If you have an immediate need that you need to fill, you need to talk about it, because otherwise people don’t know about it. Review your self-introduction and customize it to what you need; you’ll be much happier with the outcome of your networking investment.

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There are people in your life that are always doing the right thing. They handle themselves gracefully and treat others with amazing thoughtfulness and respect. You love that about them. You want to be a super star, too. Boy, have I got the book for you – and you could win a copy!

As you can imagine, I do a lot of research in order to help my clients put their best foot forward in everything they do – etiquette is a big part of that. Most of the material I find on the subject is boring and stiff, with a stuffy focus on things like which fork to use during which meal course.

When I stumbled upon Etiquette Coach Patricia Rossi on Twitter I had to do a double take. Patricia’s philosophy is “kindness not formality, relationships not rules” and I knew I had found my people. I loved what she had to share and her refreshingly fun personality, that one day I got up the nerve to profess that she was my Twitter Crush (one I wanted to emulate)! Fortunately she didn’t think I was a nutjob, and we’ve been friends ever since!

Patricia recently sent me a copy of her book “Everyday Ettiquette”, autographed no less! I may have done a happy dance at my mail box. (I totally did).

I devoured the book – shocked at all that she poured into it – ways to navigate 101 common and uncommon situations. She’s got you covered on how to handle:

Any situation at a professional networking event, and how to communicate with confidence

One late night a few weeks ago I received a text message from a dear friend hat said, “I am the world’s WORST networker. Arrrrrrgggghhhhh!”

When I read it, I instantly thought he was just joking around, because he is one of the most outgoing, gregarious, warm and friendly people I know. Yet as our conversation progressed, I realized he was serious.

See, my friend had attended a professional mixer that evening, and although he set out with an intention of meeting new people, he found it to be quite difficult because it was hosted by an organization in which the members knew each other well, and he didn’t feel comfortable disrupting conversations.

I told him it wasn’t his fault. Most professional organizations USUALLY have designated members to stand in as greeters, or Ambassadors for the event. Their sole duty is to make people feel welcome. Well, that didn’t happen at this event. OF COURSE he was uncomfortable – it’s natural to be when you don’t know anyone in the room, and everyone else is already in full swing of conversation and pairing off.

We’re in the holiday season now, and undoubtedly you have a lot of professional networking and social holiday events on your calendar. There’s going to be a lot of mix and mingling happen. Here are a couple of tips to help avoid the awkwardness of being “alone” in the room:

If you (or your organization) is hosting an event, consider assigning one or two people with the task of greeting and welcoming people at the door. Feeling welcomed upon entrance is going to make all the difference in the room as to whether your guests have a great time.

Break the ice for them with a warm welcome and a little conversation, and if you can, introduce them to someone else right away who can help them become familiar with the room and/or other people in attendance.

If you’re at a seated function and you see someone who is alone and looking for a seat, offer a seat at your table preferably next to you if possible. They’ll be so grateful that you did, and they’ll remember you as the kind one – long after the event.

Approaching people who are alone and looking like they’re a bit nervous can be very helpful – and you’ll make a new friend in the process.

If you need something to say when approaching a group of people you may not already know, simply say, “Hello everyone, I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure of meeting you (your group) yet, my name is…”

A kind gesture of reaching out to those who are on their own at an event can go a long way. You have the power to change a person’s confidence at an event simply by reaching out. After all, “strangers are friends we have yet to meet”. Let that be your motto this holiday season!

If you’ve been in business for awhile, you may remember the days when email marketing was young. Not so long ago it seemed you could send out an email announcement about a new product, service, workshop, or class and you’d receive plenty of response from it. It seemed an easy way to reach many people at once with what you have to offer.

And then along came social media platforms. Again, in the early days you could just write a quick, simple post about something and receive responses right away. It was all very exciting back then, wasn’t it?

Nowadays, we are all inundated with messages from so many different avenues. Our email inbox is full of marketing messages, informational flyers and requests to take interest in something. Our Facebook accounts are full of pending invitations to events, requests to “like” pages and a demand to keep with what’s going on with everyone. It can be overwhelming to say the least.

For people who may be more introverted, or not as interested in leaving the comfort of their desk or the glow of their computer monitor, email marketing and social media platforms seem like the easy way to reach as many people as possible. Yet now the struggle is…being heard. We can no longer create one message, hit send, and sit back and wait for the sign-ups and sales to come flowing in.

See, it’s EASY for people to bypass your digital message within seconds – whether they’re scanning their social media accounts, or they’re processing their email inbox. I’m sure there’s a marketing study out there that can tell you how many seconds a person sits on your message before deciding yes, no, or maybe to something, but I can’t imagine it isn’t more than just a few seconds. A blink of an eye.

Of course I’m not saying we SHOULDN’T be doing these activities, both email marketing and social media activities are an ARM of your marketing plan for sure. I am just seeing an alarming trend in people seeming to think that’s ALL they need to do. “Well, I put it on my Facebook page, so people should know about it.” Or, even thinking that because they posted more than once, that’s all they need to do.

With all of the digital posting going on, one BIG part of your marketing arm that runs the risk of going by the wayside is in-person touches.

Your network wants to hear from you in other ways. They want to know that you’re still a real live person and that you’re still there to serve their needs. They want to know that they’re still important to you and not just “one of many” that you’re blanketing with messages.

Although it’s more time consuming for sure (which is probably the number one reason professionals sometimes prefer to send digital messages to a bulk audience), you will be astounded at the results you will receive when you do the in-person touches. A phone call, a personal visit, a conversation. An opportunity for them to hear your voice and/or see your face.

What I’d like for you to consider today is simply this: If you’re frustrated because you feel you aren’t getting the results you’d like to see out of your digital marketing, think about reinstating the in-person touches. Reaching out in a thoughtful approach can do wonders for you and for your relationships with others. You will often find it to be refreshing from the other person’s point of view. It’s also a wonderful way to stand out from the rest as well.

Who can you reach out today with an in-person touch? Start small by choosing 3-5 people you can reach out TODAY. You’ll gain momentum as you go, I promise.

We’re in a different business world than we were five years ago, but in-person touches have been tried and true business strategies since the beginning of time. Don’t discount the personal contact – I believe it will do wonders for you. Perhaps you just needed a reminder of that?

If you’re struggling with trying to figure out ways to organize and identify reasons to reach out to your network, you might just be interested in my NEW upcoming video class called “Found Money”. In this simple, learn-on-your-own video class, I’ll show you how you can tap into your own network to offer things they may be missing from you – from missed social media connections to untapped sales of your products or services. Learn how you can pre-order this video class for nearly 50% off of the release date price!

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Our mobile devices are great for keeping us connected to our network. Especially when we’re about to attend a professional networking function. We may use it to find directions to the event, to update our social media profiles to promote and let people know we’re at the event, and even to take pictures of the event to upload for our network to see.

While this can be fun and useful technology, and in full disclosure I use all of the above myself, I just have one gripe.

People who are GLUED to their phones during a professional networking opportunity.

I don’t think I need to say how off-putting it is, but as I’m seeing this problem becoming more prevalent as I’m out attending networking events, I think we can all use the gentle reminder. It’s tempting to be connected at all times, but the fact of the matter is, if your attention is held by your phone or mobile device, you are sending a very disturbing message:

You may come across as someone who is disinterested in those around them, and more interested in what’s happening on their phone (email, social media networks, text messages, etc.).

Now, you could be just the opposite of that, maybe you ARE interested but you’re constantly checking your mobile device out of habit. (Maybe that’s a business opportunity – helping people overcome attachments to their devices!) But, if you are sitting in a meeting and the people around you are introducing themselves and you’re….staring at your phone, you certainly aren’t coming across as interested.

The polite thing to do is to keep your phone put away for the direction of your interaction with the people who are physically around you. Your emails, your social media interactions and your friends or family texting you, can certainly wait for you.

Something to think about: Many professionals struggle to gather up enough courage to attend networking events, meaning it’s difficult for them to venture out into the world to meet new people. It can be very hurtful and a hit to their confidence if they are met with people who are more interested with what’s happening on their phone rather than the people around them.

Again, I’m all for using mobile devices to BOOST our networking efforts. I’m simply suggesting that we use responsible etiquette in how we use them during professional networking activities. We should always value the people in front of us, and give them the common courtesy they deserve – wouldn’t you agree?